A little of this and a little of that

We are still living with a lot of dueling emotions and seemingly opposite experiences. On any day one of us (mostly our kids) can be found crying, melting down, or raging; the next you can also find us enjoying walks around our neighborhood, riding bikes, and exploring our little corner of Europe. We’ve been trying to fill our days and feel at home, but struggling because we are still living in an empty house waiting on furniture and our things from our Nashville home to arrive. We are in a season of adventure and also one of hard. A season that I hope we will be able to look back on and see the beauty of as well. We’ve had long days of slow family time that are not usually granted to us. We’ve had a breather from caustic politics and bombardment of media in the U.S. and it has felt nice to sit around doing a puzzle, sleep in every day, to walk to coffee in the afternoon. All along this journey we have had long periods of being in the wait with uncertainty about timing. Right now is no different. We have landed but are not settled. I have started work but my contract is still being negotiated. At every turn we’ve walked paths with multiple unexpected turns and we have had to have open hands about it letting plans come, go, shift, and change as needed. Now that we are here I have had to talk myself back into trusting this plan, I have struggled with feeling the intensity of all the emotions surrounding me as my kids and Sean process through this rather dramatic hard move. I have struggled to hold space for all of it when there is not much space for me to process and feel my own feelings. I have felt the weight of chasing a dream into reality only for real life stressors to hit us heavily. I keep reminding myself of the deep peace and knowing we felt when we made this plan and of all the things that did fall into place to make it happen. I love it here, I know on the other side of missing our friends and feeling lonely our kids will love it here too. I love walking and riding a bike everywhere. I love public transportation and proximity to this beautiful country and beyond. I am content and I am stressed. There is a little of this and a little of that for every single thing I feel these days.