Sitting in Wait

11 years ago I was just about half way through one of the hardest things I've ever done,  I was blundering through my first induction of labor, sick on magnesium,  and fully unprepared for what was about to overhaul our lives, but also too young,  and too dumb to know how sick I really was,  and how under prepared we really were. The truth is, I hardly remember most my labor the parts i do remember are pretty intense and postpartum depression and psychosis left a lots of blank holes in my memories the first 6 months of Hanks life.  What I do know is we eventually found our way as parents,  that somehow Hank taught me not just to be a mom, but how to be his mom. My first labor taught me what I was capable of surviving,  and gave me just enough lingering courage to do it again 2 years later. My first catapult into postpartum depression taught me how to be proactive about my mental health not only in postpartum periods, but also in the in betweens. Being his mom gave me perspective and courage to stand in truth and face a lot of things that needed changing, but on this day 11 years ago I didn't know all of that was coming. I remember that it was quiet and my new husband was sitting at my side in wait with me as my first long labor was just barely getting started.